Mitch Hedberg quotes
Mitch Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his unique delivery and surreal one-liners. His performances often featured clever wordplay and a laid-back persona. He became a cult favorite and is remembered for his influence on modern comedy. Here are 198 of his quotes:
I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a. m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a. m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a. m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology.
Mitch Hedberg
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under 'D', for doughnut."
Mitch Hedberg
I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.
Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Occupation: American ComedianBorn: February 24, 1968
Died: March 29, 2005
Quotes count: 198
Wikipedia: Mitch Hedberg
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