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Henny Youngman quotes - page 2
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
My first Hollywood picture wasn't released, it escaped.
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!"
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
Henny Youngman
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
Henny Youngman
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
This man dresses like an unmade bed.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
Henny Youngman
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
Henny Youngman
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Occupation:
American Comedian
Born:
March 16, 1906
Died:
February 24, 1998
Quotes count:
71
Wikipedia:
Henny Youngman
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