George Burns quotes

George Burns was an American comedian, actor, and writer, famous for his dry wit and enduring vaudeville partnership with Gracie Allen. His career spanned over seventy years, making him a beloved figure in show business. He achieved remarkable success in both radio and film, remaining active well into his later years. Here are 57 of his quotes:

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

George Burns

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

George Burns

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

George Burns

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

George Burns

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

George Burns

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

George Burns

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

George Burns

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

George Burns

If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.

George Burns

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

George Burns

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

George Burns

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

George Burns

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

George Burns

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

George Burns