Demetri Martin quotes - page 3

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes. (Demetri Martin)
It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive. View quote
Demetri Martin
I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's. View quote
Demetri Martin
I am completely attracted to the idea of simplicity, or at least removing things that seem unnecessary when trying to get an idea out there. View quote
Demetri Martin
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. View quote
Demetri Martin
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest. View quote
Demetri Martin
I'm always excited to try something I haven't done. View quote
Demetri Martin
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. View quote
Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. View quote
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show. View quote
Demetri Martin
I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. (Demetri Martin)
I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me. View quote
Demetri Martin
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association. View quote
Demetri Martin
But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me. View quote
Demetri Martin
I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling. View quote
Demetri Martin
But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. View quote
Demetri Martin
I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. View quote
Demetri Martin
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. View quote
Demetri Martin
It's very easy to go through your whole life and never really get anything done or have any real meaningful interactions or relationships. All of a sudden you're dead, and I'm going to say that's got to be a letdown. View quote
Demetri Martin
I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up. View quote
Demetri Martin
I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone. (Demetri Martin)
I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.' View quote
Demetri Martin
My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.' View quote
Demetri Martin
A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.' View quote
Demetri Martin
I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar. View quote
Demetri Martin