Eddie Izzard quotes - page 3

In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up. (Eddie Izzard)
I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever. View quote
Eddie Izzard
Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I wanted to be less well-known in comedy. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing. View quote
Eddie Izzard
[Talking about the royal family] 'Cause they got in at '52, and then immediately the Queen introduced the new ... then in the '60s, the Queen decided to change the way that ... and she encouraged people to ... and in the '70s she completely redistributed ... and realised she had too much wealth, so she decided to ... then in the '80s, they set up a charity to do ... and then they encouraged other people to ... and in the '90s, they just totally relaxed, and they said, "Everyone, why don't you ..." And then in the 2000s, they've set a great example by ... stop me at any point. I think she's got 20 years left. She's in there, but she essentially does what she does on the stamps. View quote
Eddie Izzard
Have you got a flag? (Eddie Izzard)
What have you been reading, The Gospel according to St. Bastard?! View quote
Eddie Izzard
I'm covered in bees! View quote
Eddie Izzard
I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive. View quote
Eddie Izzard
They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash' View quote
Eddie Izzard
If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay. View quote
Eddie Izzard
My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and see where you go. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I don't believe that competitions are important. View quote
Eddie Izzard
In my first year I was taught about the slide rule. They said, "The slide rule is important. Without it you can do nothing. The slide rule is the modern weapon of efficiency. With the slide rule you can get from here to the stars. Buy it, use it – your slide rule!" Within one year it was, "Burn the slide rule. The calculator can add up with none of this fucking sliding the shit around and working out where that bit in the middle goes. Smash it over your head." View quote
Eddie Izzard
Day One: Rang bell, cat fucked off. (Oh dear.) Day Two: Rang bell, cat went and answered door. Day Three: Rang bell, cat said he had eaten earlier. (Cheeky bugger.) Day Four: Went to ring bell, but cat had stolen batteries. Final Day – Day Five: Went and rang bell with new batteries, but cat put his paw on bell so it only made a thunk noise. Then cat rang his own bell. I ate food. (Eddie Izzard)
We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain!" They're going, "You can't claim us, we live here! Five hundred million of us!" "Do you have a flag...? "What? We don't need a bloody flag. This is our country, you bastards!" "No flag, no country, you can't have one! Those are the rules ... that I just made up! And I'm backing it up with this gun that was lent from the National Rifle Association." View quote
Eddie Izzard
His name changed from Gerry Dorsey to Engelbert Humperdinck. I mean, I just wanted to be in the room when they were working that one through: "Zingelbert Bembledack! Yingybert Dambleban! Zangelbert Bingledack! Wingelbert Humptyback! ... Slut Bunwalla!" "What?!" "All right, Kringelbert Fishtybuns! Steviebuns Bottrittrundle –" "No, Gerry Dorsey! I like Gerry Dorsey!" "No, we can't, who we got? Zingelbert Bembledack, Tringelbert Wangledack, Slut Bunwalla, Klingybun Fistelvase, Dindlebert Zindledack, Gerry Dorsey, Engelbert Humptyback, Zengelbert Bingledack, Engelbert Humperdinck, Vingelbert Wingledanck –" "No, no, go back one!" View quote
Eddie Izzard
[Talking about the royal family]. View quote
Eddie Izzard
I try to do things that I think are interesting, and this is the first programme I've asked if I can be she and her. The transition period. View quote
Eddie Izzard