Eddie Izzard quotes - page 3

Eddie Izzard is a British comedian, actor, and writer, celebrated for her surreal and witty stand-up performances. Known for blending history, politics, and personal stories, Izzard often performs in multiple languages. She has also appeared in numerous films and television shows, earning a reputation as one of the most inventive voices in modern comedy. Here are 75 of her quotes:

I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.

Eddie Izzard

I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.

Eddie Izzard

Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

Eddie Izzard

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

Eddie Izzard

I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.

Eddie Izzard

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.

Eddie Izzard

I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character.

Eddie Izzard

I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.

Eddie Izzard

[Talking about the royal family] 'Cause they got in at '52, and then immediately the Queen introduced the new ... then in the '60s, the Queen decided to change the way that ... and she encouraged people to ... and in the '70s she completely redistributed ... and realised she had too much wealth, so she decided to ... then in the '80s, they set up a charity to do ... and then they encouraged other people to ... and in the '90s, they just totally relaxed, and they said, "Everyone, why don't you ..." And then in the 2000s, they've set a great example by ... stop me at any point. I think she's got 20 years left. She's in there, but she essentially does what she does on the stamps.

Eddie Izzard

What have you been reading, The Gospel according to St. Bastard?!

Eddie Izzard

I'm covered in bees!

Eddie Izzard

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

Eddie Izzard

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

Eddie Izzard

If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.

Eddie Izzard

My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

Eddie Izzard

I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and see where you go.

Eddie Izzard

I don't believe that competitions are important.

Eddie Izzard

In my first year I was taught about the slide rule. They said, "The slide rule is important. Without it you can do nothing. The slide rule is the modern weapon of efficiency. With the slide rule you can get from here to the stars. Buy it, use it – your slide rule!" Within one year it was, "Burn the slide rule. The calculator can add up with none of this fucking sliding the shit around and working out where that bit in the middle goes. Smash it over your head."

Eddie Izzard

We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain!" They're going, "You can't claim us, we live here! Five hundred million of us!" "Do you have a flag...? "What? We don't need a bloody flag. This is our country, you bastards!" "No flag, no country, you can't have one! Those are the rules ... that I just made up! And I'm backing it up with this gun that was lent from the National Rifle Association."

Eddie Izzard

His name changed from Gerry Dorsey to Engelbert Humperdinck. I mean, I just wanted to be in the room when they were working that one through: "Zingelbert Bembledack! Yingybert Dambleban! Zangelbert Bingledack! Wingelbert Humptyback! ... Slut Bunwalla!" "What?!" "All right, Kringelbert Fishtybuns! Steviebuns Bottrittrundle –" "No, Gerry Dorsey! I like Gerry Dorsey!" "No, we can't, who we got? Zingelbert Bembledack, Tringelbert Wangledack, Slut Bunwalla, Klingybun Fistelvase, Dindlebert Zindledack, Gerry Dorsey, Engelbert Humptyback, Zengelbert Bingledack, Engelbert Humperdinck, Vingelbert Wingledanck –" "No, no, go back one!"

Eddie Izzard

[Talking about the royal family].

Eddie Izzard

I try to do things that I think are interesting, and this is the first programme I've asked if I can be she and her. The transition period.

Eddie Izzard