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W. C. Fields quotes - page 4
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world - a man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
I have been asked if I ever get the DTs I don't know it's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it.
W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Occupation:
American Comedian
Born:
January 29, 1880
Died:
December 25, 1946
Quotes count:
104
Wikipedia:
W. C. Fields
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