Will Cuppy quotes

Will Cuppy was an American humorist and literary critic known for his witty and satirical writings. His works often focused on historical and natural subjects, combining humor with meticulous research. He is best remembered for books like "The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody" that showcase his sharp wit and unique style. Here are 120 of his quotes:

Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. (Will Cuppy)
The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote] It's easy to see the faults in people, I know; and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there. View quote
Will Cuppy
Aristotle maintains that the neck of the Lion is composed of a single bone. Aristotle knew nothing at all about Lions, a circumstance which did not prevent him from writing a good deal on the subject. View quote
Will Cuppy
Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people. View quote
Will Cuppy
Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes. View quote
Will Cuppy
Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential. View quote
Will Cuppy
Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live. View quote
Will Cuppy
Even as a child back in Indiana, whenever I took a Butterbelly off the hook I used to ask myself, "Does this fish think?" I would even ask others, "Do you suppose this Butterbelly can think?" And all I would get in reply was a look. At the age of eighteen, I left the state. View quote
Will Cuppy
They [the Pilgrim Fathers] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did. View quote
Will Cuppy
If you annoy the Hog-nosed Snake enough, he will roll over on his back and play dead. If you turn him right-side up, he will roll over to prove that he is dead. [Footnote:] While he is playing dead, you can go straight up to him and step on his head or smash him with a big club. (Will Cuppy)
[Footnote:] Pliny the Elder described a Whale called "Balaena or Whirlpool, which is so long and broad as to take up more in length and breadth than two acres of ground." This brings up again the old question: Are the classics doomed? Our ancestors believed that four years of this sort of information would inevitably produce a President, or at least a Cabinet Member. It didn't seem to work out that way. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] Pliny the Elder perished in 79 A. D. when he refused to flee from the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, insisting that everything would be all right. It wasn't. View quote
Will Cuppy
A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself. View quote
Will Cuppy
Other countries may boast of this and that, but nobody can touch the United States for poisonous snakes. We have about twenty species, most of them deadly, and Europe has only five or six, none of them much good. We have fifteen kinds of Rattlesnakes alone and nobody else has even one. [Footnote: There is a species in Central and South America, but it probably came from here. ]. View quote
Will Cuppy
All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] The female of any species is generally regarded as a relatively anabolic organism, more passive than the male, who is relatively katabolic and active. The fact remains that one frequently runs across a rather katabolic female. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] The head of a Pike, served at supper, is said to have caused the death from terror of Theodoric the Goth, who imagined the fish's features to be those of Symmachus, a man he had just killed. But for this story, we of today would have no idea what Symmachus looked like. View quote
Will Cuppy
Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much. View quote
Will Cuppy
I only know that all is lost, and that nothing can help me unless I inherit money, strike oil or go to work. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] Much still remains to be learned about his sex life because the Hummingbird is quicker than the eye. (Will Cuppy)
[Footnote:]Each male has from 2 to 790 females with whom he discusses current events. Of these he marries from 3 to 17. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse. View quote
Will Cuppy
Aristotle described the Crow as chaste. In some departments of knowledge, Aristotle was too innocent for his own good. View quote
Will Cuppy
Male penguins are unfaithful up to an advanced age, a phenomenon sometimes attributed to the sea air. View quote
Will Cuppy