Will Cuppy quotes - page 2

Henry VIII had so many wives because his dynastic sense was very strong whenever he saw a maid of honor. (Will Cuppy)
The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes. View quote
Will Cuppy
I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart. View quote
Will Cuppy
The male is colored much more gorgeously than the female so that he can be shot and made into feather embroidery. View quote
Will Cuppy
Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch. View quote
Will Cuppy
I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty. View quote
Will Cuppy
To the seeing eye life is mostly Sparrows. View quote
Will Cuppy
I hear so many things about who I am supposed to be I hardly know what to believe. I am willing to tell all, but what Is it? Doubtless all these myths and legends will be straightened out eventually, but It may take years. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] Three million alligators were killed in Florida between 1880 and 1900. Goody! View quote
Will Cuppy
The Zebra is striped all over so that the Lion can see him and eat him. Some people say he is striped so that the Lion can not see him. These people believe that the stripes of the Zebra simulate the bars of sunlight falling through the tall jungle grasses and that therefore the Zebra is invisible and that the earth is flat. View quote
Will Cuppy
As Darwin puts it in The Descent of Man, "Male snakes, though appearing so sluggish, are amorous." Isn't that just like Darwin? It was one of his main ideas, you know, that the males of almost all animals have stronger passions than the females. Since then we've learned a thing or two. At any rate, the female snake is right there when spring arrives in the woods. (Will Cuppy)
[Footnote:] To give the Beaver his due, he does things because he has to do them, not because he believes that hard work per se will somehow make him a better Beaver -- the Beaver may be dumb, but he is not that dumb! The Beaver was made to gnaw, and gnaw he does. There you have him in a nutshell. View quote
Will Cuppy
If an animal does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] The Dotterel weighs only four ounces. It has long been a scientific riddle how so much wrong-headedness can manage to exist in so small a space. Still, there's the Least Gnatcatcher. View quote
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] The Chameleon's face reminded Aristotle of a Baboon. Aristotle wasn't much of a looker himself. View quote
Will Cuppy
A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras. View quote
Will Cuppy
An Ant on a hot stove-lid runs faster than an Ant on a cold one. Who wouldn't? View quote
Will Cuppy
Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something. View quote
Will Cuppy
Whenever a thousand or so of his men would fall off an Alp, he [Hannibal] would tell the rest to cheer up, the elephants were all right. If someone had given him a shove at the right moment, much painful history might have been avoided. View quote
Will Cuppy
And he [Hannibal] probably believed, up to the very end, that everything might still come out right if he only had a few you-know-whats. View quote
Will Cuppy
She [Lucrezia] also had bright yellow hair, which she washed once a week with a mixture of saffron, box shavings, wood ash, barley straw, madder, cumin seed, and one thing and another to bring out the hidden glints and restore its natural color. You left it on your head for twenty-four hours and washed it off with lye made from cabbage stalks, the only hazard of which was the second-degree burn. If your hair remained on the scalp, you were a blonde. (Will Cuppy)
The Romans were stern and dignified, living hard, frugal lives and adhering to the traditional Latin virtues, gravitas, pietas, simplicitas, and adultery. View quote
Will Cuppy
Montezuma had a weak and vacillating nature. He never knew what to do next. [Footnote: He had the courage of his convictions, but he had no convictions. ]. View quote
Will Cuppy
Pericles was the people's friend. [Footnote: The very poorest citizens had a chance to become President, but somehow they didn't. It may have been just a coincidence. ] He was so fond of the people that he paid them to go to the Assembly and vote, and they were so fond of him that they elected him year after year. View quote
Will Cuppy
In some respects, Nero was ahead of his time. He boiled his drinking water to remove the impurities and cooled it with unsanitary ice to put them back in. He renamed the month of April after himself, calling it Neroneus, but the idea never caught on because April is not Neroneus and there is no use pretending that it is. During his reign of fourteen years, the outlying provinces are said to have prospered. They were farther away. View quote
Will Cuppy