Robert Benchley quotes

Robert Benchley was an American humorist, writer, and actor renowned for his witty essays and film appearances. His sharp, playful sense of humor influenced generations of comedy writers and performers. He became especially famous as a member of the Algonquin Round Table and for his work in early Hollywood comedies. Here are 65 of his quotes:

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Robert Benchley

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.

Robert Benchley

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.

Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Robert Benchley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Robert Benchley

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

Robert Benchley

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

Robert Benchley

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

Robert Benchley

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

Robert Benchley

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice.

Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

Robert Benchley

The way to go to the circus, however, is with someone who has seen perhaps one theatrical performance before in his life and that in the High School hall. ... The scales of sophistication are struck from your eyes and you see in the circus a gathering of men and women who are able to do things as a matter of course which you couldn't do if your life depended on it.

Robert Benchley

Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing about beagling, or the Chinese stock market, or ballistics, but there is not a man or woman alive who does not claim to know how to cure hiccoughs.

Robert Benchley

I am more the inspirational type of speller. I work on hunches rather than mere facts, and the result is sometimes open to criticism by purists.

Robert Benchley

I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.

Robert Benchley

I can't quite define my aversion to asking questions of strangers. From snatches of family battles which I have heard drifting up from railway stations and street corners, I gather that there are a great many men who share my dislike for it, as well as an equal number of women who ... believe it to be the solution to most of this world's problems.

Robert Benchley