Graham Chapman quotes

Graham Chapman was a British comedian, writer, and actor, best known as a member of Monty Python. His surreal humor and unique personality left a lasting impact on comedy. He contributed to some of the group’s most iconic sketches and films. Here are 35 of his quotes:

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply. (Graham Chapman)

Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.

Graham Chapman

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Graham Chapman

Tis but a scratch!" "A scratch? Your arm's off!" "No it isn't." "Then what's that?" "Oh come on, pansy!

Graham Chapman

When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.

Graham Chapman

I am known by many names, but you may call me...Tim.

Graham Chapman

An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition... A contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says." No, it's not...

Graham Chapman

McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time...

Graham Chapman

I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Graham Chapman

We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!

Graham Chapman

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing! (Graham Chapman)

You see, I don't belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.

Graham Chapman

A murderer is only an extroverted suicide.

Graham Chapman

I fart in your general direction.

Graham Chapman

Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed - that's me, love.

Graham Chapman

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Graham Chapman

WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? and WHAT is your favorite color?

Graham Chapman

In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.

Graham Chapman

Camelot is a silly place.

Graham Chapman

All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.

Graham Chapman

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? (Graham Chapman)

There is no cannibalism in the British Navy, absolutely none. And when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than I personally admit.

Graham Chapman

Bring out... The Comfy Chair!!!!

Graham Chapman

One, two, ... five!" "Three, my lord.

Graham Chapman

Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause]... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

Graham Chapman

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Graham Chapman

Graham Chapman - Image

Photo: Garry Knight, CC BY 2.0

Occupation: British Comedian
Born: January 8, 1941
Died: October 4, 1989
Quotes count: 35

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