Joe E. Lewis quotes

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough. (Joe E. Lewis)
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
It pays to get drunk with the best people. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
I always wake up at the crack of ice. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
I drink to forget I drink. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
We can afford almost any mistake once. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin. (Joe E. Lewis)
[A banker is] a man who will lend you money if you can prove to him that you don't need it. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves. View quote
Joe E. Lewis
Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest. (Joe E. Lewis)
I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points. View quote
Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis

Joe E. Lewis - Image
Occupation: American Comedian
Born: January 12, 1902
Died: June 4, 1971
Quotes count: 22

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