P. J. O'Rourke quotes

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. (P. J. O'Rourke)

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

P. J. O'Rourke

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

P. J. O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

P. J. O'Rourke

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller, and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then get elected and prove it.

P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.

P. J. O'Rourke

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences. (P. J. O'Rourke)

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

P. J. O'Rourke

Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.

P. J. O'Rourke

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

P. J. O'Rourke

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

P. J. O'Rourke

Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be.

P. J. O'Rourke

Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.

P. J. O'Rourke

My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.

P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.

P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers. (P. J. O'Rourke)

Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country. So maybe he owes all of us an apology...

P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.

P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

P. J. O'Rourke

Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.

P. J. O'Rourke

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P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke - Image

Photo: Cato Institute., CC BY-SA 3.0

Occupation: American Comedian
Born: November 14, 1947
Died: February 15, 2022
Quotes count: 417

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