Dylan Moran quotes - page 8

He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass. (Dylan Moran)
What I prefer is an audience who listen. And are intelligent. Which I try and assume every audience is. And that if something goes wrong, it's generally my fault and not theirs. View quote
Dylan Moran
I've always been a big consumer of American journalism over the years and had an interest in the history of it and of the press in America; how it has changed. View quote
Dylan Moran
I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week's notice. That's my film career, most of the time. View quote
Dylan Moran
I enjoy performing, always, but when you're taping a gig, you've got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that's surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won't be able to do anything. View quote
Dylan Moran
I draw hundreds and hundreds of pictures of sort of gnarly looking men, so I don't know what that tells you. People who look like... they're waiting for a sandwich that's never going to come. I don't know what's wrong with me. View quote
Dylan Moran
The first half of your life is spent getting over yourself. You think you're amazing, unique. Young people walk around going, "You know the funny thing is I was just in the kitchen but now I'm here in the bedroom, get a load of me! I just go on and on!" And that's around the age when you meet somebody else – when you're totally unbearable. Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There's nothing worse to look at in the world! Going around going, "I can't believe I met you cause you're amazing and I'm amazing and we're surrounded by shitheads, it's just amazing! Hey, I know this really good bar, let's go and make it better." View quote
Dylan Moran
Women have the 'basket of maybes' on their arm, men just have the 'stick of now'. View quote
Dylan Moran
Or Berlusconi, in Italy, right; the envy of the world, Italy, in terms of history, art and culture, 98 different political parties, and they still managed to elect him! View quote
Dylan Moran
Would you like red or white wine with your piece of vulcanised lizards cock from the moon? How about an extra bread roll, there to dip in your otter vomit pate? View quote
Dylan Moran
Men don't know anything! Men don't know when their lives became so entirely awful, when everyone else turned into such a tosser! A man does not know how he came by the half a pie he is holding in his hand. And scientists-those frauds!-seize on this, and try to use it as proof of the mysteries of human consciousness and the unknowable nature of the brain, which is rubbish! The brain is the simplest organ in the body. It only has three bits. There's the front bit, which is the bit you scratch when you come in at half one in the morning, and the person you live with says, "Where the fuck were you?”. (Dylan Moran)
Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't. View quote
Dylan Moran
There's always a host of voices you're inspired by. I love Don DeLillo, and I love Isaac Bashevis Singer, and I love Beckett, and I love Pinter. He's one of the funniest voices in English literature since Dickens. View quote
Dylan Moran
I'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything. View quote
Dylan Moran
The East is very mysterious to Westerners. Even post-Cold War, it's still an unknown entity. View quote
Dylan Moran
I would never really analyse what I do. I leave that to other people - I'm not a critic. I just want to get on with whatever I have in hand, you know? Just try to make the best job of the available material. View quote
Dylan Moran
Stand-up came naturally to me because people in Ireland talk. But that's not talking on panel shows; it is structured fun. It reminds me of some tragic aunt clapping her hands and bouncing into a room and announcing we should all play games... and if we don't we are all a rotten spoilsport. View quote
Dylan Moran
I do think it's perfectly natural and human to want to invest belief in something. It's just a facet of who we are. What do I believe in? I believe in the obvious things. The people I'm close to and my work - it's not complicated. View quote
Dylan Moran
If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room, you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything. View quote
Dylan Moran
I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that are like a lot of other people. There can be a bit of a herd mentality, and that's obviously less interesting because there's less going on. I'm just being totally frank with you. View quote
Dylan Moran
Maybe this is just me, but as time goes by, I'm more bewildered by modernity. It gets more unfathomable with every passing year. (Dylan Moran)
If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room; you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything. I've written lots of material, but how do you memorise 90 minutes? That's one hell of a long speech. I've always had problems with that. View quote
Dylan Moran
You're not going to learn anything if you're not prepared to go flat, so I'm very happy to go flat. View quote
Dylan Moran
What is universal can be surprising. Over time you find the kind of stuff which has people thinking 'That is just something that occurred to me... there's something wrong with me', is in fact stuff that is universal. View quote
Dylan Moran
I wouldn't be in a huge hurry to go back to Kansas. It was just bizarre. There's a lot of very, very heavy set people who believe in whatever they were told, because they didn't seem to get out very much or be interested in leaving where they were. They just didn't seem that curious, and I find that a little hard to deal with. View quote
Dylan Moran