Bob Monkhouse quotes

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted. (Bob Monkhouse)

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.

Bob Monkhouse

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

Bob Monkhouse

Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

Bob Monkhouse

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

Bob Monkhouse

I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.

Bob Monkhouse

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

Bob Monkhouse

I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.

Bob Monkhouse

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

Bob Monkhouse

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

Bob Monkhouse

I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance. (Bob Monkhouse)

I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.

Bob Monkhouse

People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.

Bob Monkhouse

No one watched it, not even the cameramen.

Bob Monkhouse

Smarmy, plastic, oily, greasy, unctuous, shallow, superficial, old-fashioned, superannuated, crap.

Bob Monkhouse

We used to say he had a computer in his head. His memory was astonishing.

Bob Monkhouse

When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?

Bob Monkhouse

People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."

Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse

Occupation: English Comedian
Born: June 1, 1928
Died: December 29, 2003
Quotes count: 18
Wikipedia: Bob Monkhouse

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