Dennis Miller quotes - page 3

If you get to be thirty-five and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you've probably made a serious vocational error. (Dennis Miller)
Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair? View quote
Dennis Miller
After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things -- first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in. View quote
Dennis Miller
Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me. View quote
Dennis Miller
There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh. View quote
Dennis Miller
Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer. View quote
Dennis Miller
America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. View quote
Dennis Miller
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. View quote
Dennis Miller
There will be select instances where the consumer is interested in paying for premium content. I think it will be difficult to get people to pay for something on the Internet that they can find elsewhere on the Internet for free. View quote
Dennis Miller
Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living. View quote
Dennis Miller
Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. (Dennis Miller)
I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave. View quote
Dennis Miller
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years. View quote
Dennis Miller
Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and they don't get out and interact with actual flesh-and-blood humans -- you know the answer before I say it -- that's not good. View quote
Dennis Miller
If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text version of it somewhere a day later, that would be great. View quote
Dennis Miller
Childbirth is a wonderful thing, but the reality is that it can dramatically change a woman's body. SUI occurs when the vaginal wall weakens and cannot provide adequate support to the urethra, thus causing leaking. The good news is that women with SUI have many different treatment options available to them. View quote
Dennis Miller
If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for 19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka. View quote
Dennis Miller
Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was. View quote
Dennis Miller
The Pentagon admitted the Iraqi was never given an identification number and that the Red Cross was never notified about his capture. However, [Defense Secretary] Donald Rumsfeld claims the prisoner has been treated in accordance with Geneva Conventions, including regular conjugal visits with his favorite goat. View quote
Dennis Miller
We're not allowed to do anything to nature anymore, except look at it. It's like porn with leaves. View quote
Dennis Miller
He's (Michael Moore) going to wake up every day for the rest of his life, and he's going to tell us how he hates everything about this country except his right to hate it. And then we say that we love it and he's going to tell us what naive sheep we are and that he's the true patriot because he hates it and he sees all the problems in it. Yeah, right, Mike. You know something, if my yawn got any bigger they'd have to assign it a hurricane name, okay? Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong. (Dennis Miller)
We have now given one of the only 50 states we have to a herd of Simu-Bullwinkles! View quote
Dennis Miller
The first half-dozen or so will be nice, but after that, I'm going to want a pro. (Referring to the Muslim concept of achieving 72 virgins upon arrival in heaven). View quote
Dennis Miller
I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless. View quote
Dennis Miller
I lapsed into rude. View quote
Dennis Miller