Russell Brand quotes

Russell Brand is an English comedian, actor, and author, recognized for his flamboyant style and sharp wit. His career spans stand-up comedy, film, radio, and writing, often focusing on social and political commentary. He is also known for his activism and outspoken views on contemporary issues. Here are 167 of his quotes:

Hmm, wa'er! If, right, your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps? (Russell Brand)
I keep hearing in my head "you are the Messiah, you are the Messiah". I think there's something wrong with my headphones. View quote
Russell Brand
I don't see why someone should lose their life just so you can have a snack. View quote
Russell Brand
That's right middle America, I loves Jemus! View quote
Russell Brand
So by being offended you've sorta acknowledged that you are thick, and none of us are, so we're all back on speaking terms! View quote
Russell Brand
I love the BBC, it's a gorgeous organisation and it's just 'cos it's got vaguely socialist state-run tendencies that people like bloody old Rupert Murdoch coat it off in the Sun, and it's gotta stop! View quote
Russell Brand
I don't like doing anything that makes you sweat if you don't come at the end of it. View quote
Russell Brand
I've looked right through the Bible, start to finish, looking for the bit saying 'Jesus was the mind behind Ikea', then there's no evidence to suggest this at all. View quote
Russell Brand
(after Noel Fielding has written "peep scarf" to describe a piece of muslim apparel) That's its proper name! View quote
Russell Brand
Charles Ingram's views are so pugnacious that when I heard them, I went back to ancient Arabia, sauntered into Aladdin's cave, said "Open, sesame," perused all the treasures and trinkets until I got Aladdin's attention, pulled down my trousers and panties and forced a genie into my dinkle's peep hole and shouted, "Aladdin, rub the lamp! You'll get more than three wishes!" View quote
Russell Brand
It's the unreal, sustained glitch in naturalism that makes this genre of TV disturbing to either watch or be on. The Lynchian subjugation of our humanity; warmth and humour, usurped by a sterile, pastel-coloured steel blade benignly thrust again and again into a grey brain. (Russell Brand)
The reason I keep mentioning God is because I believe in God. A lot of people are surprised by that, what with it being 2014 and this being a technologically advanced secular culture. God is primarily regarded as the preserve of thick white people and angry brown people. Since Friedrich Nietzsche (deceased) declared, "God is dead,” we've been exploring the observation of British writer G. K. Chesterton, who said, "The death of God doesn't mean man will believe in nothing but that he will believe in anything.” I'm a good example of that: at thirteen a believer in Lakeside, at eight a believer in biscuits, at seventeen a devoted wanker, at nineteen a fanatical drug user, before winding up in the monastery of celebrity. View quote
Russell Brand
It's like Kilroy only talking about Big Brother and there's no racism allowed. View quote
Russell Brand
Or as Flight of the Conchords put it: "They're turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers. But what's the real cost? 'Cause the sneakers don't seem that much cheaper. Why are we still paying so much for sneakers when you got them made by little slave kids? What are your overheads?”. View quote
Russell Brand
Noel Fielding's not in, Noel Gallagher's not in, I think the message is don't trust Noels! Noel Edmunds, deal or no deal? No deal Noel! View quote
Russell Brand
Spiral's views are so enchanting that when I heard them, I cleared off to Australia, strolled up Ayres Rock to the meditating Aborigines, pulled down my trousers and pants, polished my dinkle 'til it was as stiff as a pipe, prised its end open and shouted, "Lads, who wants a blow of my didgeridoo?!" They said they faced this ignorance from the white man on an almost daily basis. View quote
Russell Brand
That diamond encrusted goat's skull is the height of good taste! View quote
Russell Brand
I'll riverdance while that's happening, 'cause it seems to be what I naturally do anyway. View quote
Russell Brand
More from acute awareness of Instant Karma's immediate sting than morality, I have learned to treat people apparently lacking power with cordiality. View quote
Russell Brand
I don't like the idea of fruit being all turned on because of cream being poured on it. How then can you eat that fruit? View quote
Russell Brand
Russell Brand: What did you say? Trevor Lock: I just said 'ow' Russell Brand: Oh yeah, that cleared it up. He probably sank to his knees at that point and screamed 'There is no God!' You probably made him renounce the clergy. He probably went straight off after that and had it off with someone... (Russell Brand)
Is it Paul Mccartney? Is it Jimmy Page? No, it's Noel Gallagher, they look the same age! View quote
Russell Brand
I'm waiting for something worth waiting for. View quote
Russell Brand
If a product has an advertisement, it means you don't need it. No-one ever has to say 'go to sleep', 'breathe', 'love people. View quote
Russell Brand
People don't throw your bags out of windows because of lies; they throw them out because of the truth. View quote
Russell Brand