Chris Rock quotes

Chris Rock is an American comedian, actor, and filmmaker, acclaimed for his sharp wit and social commentary. His stand-up routines and appearances on television and film have made him one of the most influential comedians of his generation. He continues to impact the entertainment industry with his bold humor and insightful observations. Here are 148 of his quotes:

Why do people do yoga? To clear their minds? I embrace the clutter in my head. (Chris Rock)
George Bush hates midgets. View quote
Chris Rock
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity. View quote
Chris Rock
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. View quote
Chris Rock
Do you know what the good side of crack is If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for 1.50. You can furnish your whole house for 10.95. View quote
Chris Rock
You can only offend me if you mean something to me. View quote
Chris Rock
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? View quote
Chris Rock
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up. View quote
Chris Rock
You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma. View quote
Chris Rock
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!" View quote
Chris Rock
Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man. (Chris Rock)
Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing. View quote
Chris Rock
When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children. View quote
Chris Rock
You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. View quote
Chris Rock
You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere. View quote
Chris Rock
So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America ... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's trying keep the Feds off her back. View quote
Chris Rock
Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check ... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!" View quote
Chris Rock
See... Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus, and we all know what that page is. We all know what that focus is. In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what's that focus? That focus is all about HER! It's all about her! View quote
Chris Rock
The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they're not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, "If you'd done that in the movie, you'd have won an Oscar, girl." View quote
Chris Rock
A man is only as faithful as his options. View quote
Chris Rock
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do. (Chris Rock)
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right. View quote
Chris Rock
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense. View quote
Chris Rock
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool. View quote
Chris Rock
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. View quote
Chris Rock