Rita Rudner quotes

Rita Rudner is an American comedian, actress, and author, renowned for her witty, understated humor. Her career has spanned stand-up comedy, Broadway performances, and several best-selling books. She continues to charm audiences with her clever observations and sophisticated comedic style. Here are 72 of her quotes:

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. (Rita Rudner)

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Rita Rudner

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

Rita Rudner

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

Rita Rudner

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. (Rita Rudner)

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.

Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Rita Rudner

Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about "New Car Interior?"

Rita Rudner

I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident.

Rita Rudner

To me, life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

Rita Rudner

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

Rita Rudner

A good place to meet men is at the dry cleaners. These men have jobs and usually bathe.

Rita Rudner

Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.

Rita Rudner

Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind. (Rita Rudner)

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

Rita Rudner

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.

Rita Rudner

Well, the old theory was "marry an older man because they're more mature". But the new theory is "men don't mature - marry a young one".

Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner - Image

Photo: LOL Comedy from Hollywood, CC BY-SA 2.0

Occupation: American Comedian
Born: September 17, 1953
Quotes count: 72
Wikipedia: Rita Rudner

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