Robert Orben quotes

Robert Orben is an American comedy writer and magician, widely celebrated for his witty one-liners and humor books. His career spans decades, impacting both entertainment and speechwriting, including work as a speechwriter for President Gerald Ford. He is renowned for his sharp wit and significant influence on modern American comedy. Here are 68 of his quotes:

Every morning I get up and look throught the Forbes list of the richest people of America. If I am not there, I go to work.

Robert Orben

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Robert Orben

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

Robert Orben

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Robert Orben

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

Robert Orben

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Robert Orben

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Robert Orben

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

Robert Orben

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

Robert Orben

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

Robert Orben

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

Robert Orben

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

Robert Orben

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.

Robert Orben

If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.

Robert Orben

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Robert Orben

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.

Robert Orben

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

Robert Orben

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Robert Orben

President Ford used humor a great deal.

Robert Orben

Humor is a marvelous communications tool, as Reagan has demonstrated so well. He has weathered many a storm that others might not have. With Reagan, people just say, 'There he goes again.' A sense of humor allows a president to back off a little from the tensions of the moment and take a calmer view of things.

Robert Orben

I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature.

Robert Orben