Robert Benchley quotes - page 3

Robert Benchley was an American humorist, writer, and actor renowned for his witty essays and film appearances. His sharp, playful sense of humor influenced generations of comedy writers and performers. He became especially famous as a member of the Algonquin Round Table and for his work in early Hollywood comedies. Here are 65 of his quotes:

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.

Robert Benchley

I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.

Robert Benchley

The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of words than "The doctor will see you now."

Robert Benchley

Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in writing is not in the things it makes one write but in the things it keeps one from writing.

Robert Benchley

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Robert Benchley

The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of words than "The doctor will see you now." I am willing to concede something to the phrase "Have you anything to say before the current is turned on?" That may be worse for the moment, but it doesn't last so long. For continued, unmitigating depression, I know nothing to equal "The doctor will see you now." But I'm not narrow-minded about it. I'm willing to consider other possibilities.

Robert Benchley

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands.

Robert Benchley

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

Robert Benchley

Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.

Robert Benchley

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

Robert Benchley

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age.

Robert Benchley

Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men.

Robert Benchley

It was one of those plays in which the actors, unfortunately, enunciated very clearly.

Robert Benchley