J. B. Smoove quotes

J. B. Smoove is an American actor, comedian, and writer known for his energetic style and quick wit. He gained widespread recognition for his role as Leon Black on the television series "Curb Your Enthusiasm." He has also appeared in films, stand-up specials, and numerous television shows. Here are 65 of his quotes:

You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.

J. B. Smoove

You turn hotdogs with tongs. Don't you ever use those tongs on a hamburger.

J. B. Smoove

Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.

J. B. Smoove

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

J. B. Smoove

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

J. B. Smoove

I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.

J. B. Smoove

Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.

J. B. Smoove

To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the one move that he always does to finish his opponent off, right? Like when he climbs on the rope, and he always jumps off the top rope and finishes off his opponent - that's what a comic has.

J. B. Smoove

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

J. B. Smoove

I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things, you can't leave the bathroom door open...you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.

J. B. Smoove

I'm a thief. I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers.

J. B. Smoove

I'm, like, everybody's friend. I'm one of those dudes. I can be friends with anybody. Any race of person, any personality, I can kind of deal with them. I accept different types of people.

J. B. Smoove

Women put guys through tests all the time.

J. B. Smoove

You don't want to take the world over with a whole hamper full of dirty clothes. That's the main thing people overlook. And take a shower, take a bath every day.

J. B. Smoove

There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts.

J. B. Smoove

I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.

J. B. Smoove

When I started stand-up, the first thing I did was to take an improv class.

J. B. Smoove

Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny out of a premise. I never have my own jokes written. I have to change things as I go along, and I have to entertain myself.

J. B. Smoove

For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place.

J. B. Smoove

I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.

J. B. Smoove

You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over.

J. B. Smoove

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

J. B. Smoove