Denis Leary quotes

Denis Leary is an American actor, comedian, and writer known for his sharp wit and satirical humor. His standout roles include the TV series "Rescue Me" and numerous comedy specials. He has received critical acclaim for blending dark comedy with powerful storytelling. Here are 162 of his quotes:

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

Denis Leary

We didn't have rehab back in the Seventies. Back in the Seventies, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks.

Denis Leary

Coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup. That's all it needs! Maybe a saucer underneath the cup - that's it.

Denis Leary

I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!

Denis Leary

I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies, so I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time! I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies, all around my neck, I'll be Tracheotomy Man! He can smoke a pack at a time, he's Tracheotomy Man!

Denis Leary

Peter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever.

Denis Leary

God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!"

Denis Leary

Everyone's got skeletons in their closet, and I've got a million in mine, believe me. I tested the envelope; I pushed it. Whenever somebody in authority told me not to do something, I did it just to find out why they said not to do it.

Denis Leary

My only worry about tweeting and modern technology is how it has crept into even the darkest corners of the absolute global village we live in.

Denis Leary

(talking about Marv Albert) Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv, Marv. This is God, what the HELL were you thinking?!?

Denis Leary

(talking about The Lord Of The Dance) Have you seen that show? If you have, GET OUT! Get the hell out of my show right now!

Denis Leary

What firefighters and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do; basically these people say, 'I'm going to protect all these strangers.'

Denis Leary

I basically - I don't like tattoos, unless you're a firefighter who has a tattoo that has to do with that or a military guy. That's - those are people who should have tattoos.

Denis Leary

...and there aint a goddamn thing anybody can do about it, you know why? Because we've got the bombs! That's why, yeah! Two words: NUCLEAR FUCKIN' WEAPONS! OK?!

Denis Leary

Ted Kennedy, a good senator but a bad date you know what I mean? "What'd I forget? Goddamit the fuckin' girl! Jesus Christ where are my pants?"

Denis Leary

If you had no enemies, you had no fun.

Denis Leary

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?

Denis Leary

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Denis Leary

Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself.

Denis Leary

Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate.

Denis Leary

We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!

Denis Leary

I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries.

Denis Leary