Larry the Cable Guy quotes

Larry the Cable Guy is an American comedian and actor, famous for his "Git-R-Done!" catchphrase and blue-collar humor. His stand-up routines and roles in movies have made him a beloved figure in American comedy. He continues to entertain audiences with his distinctive southern persona and quick wit. Here are 51 of his quotes:

At first I didn't even realize she was pregnant. I kinda gotten used to her throwing up every time we had sex...

Larry the Cable Guy

We always have a tradition at our family reunion, we always have the family tug-of-war, and this year it was my dad's side of the family against my sister-in-law. She wins every year! I swear, she runs on diesel. That's a fat bastard, right there! She went on a diet one time, Little Debbie laid off 500 employees. Last Halloween, she dressed in white, came as a blizzard.

Larry the Cable Guy

Actually, you can make pretty good cash on stage without being a comedian or a stripper. My brother once won a talent contest by fartin' the song "Dixie" through an oil funnel. He not only took home 500 bucks, he got to meet Regis after the show. Who says dreams don't come true?

Larry the Cable Guy

A great-great grandpa (there might be another great in there, I'm not sure) offered a gun and horse to anyone that would join the Confederacy in '64. Who cares if it was 1964. Give the guy a break. He had Alzheimer's and thought he was Jefferson Davis.

Larry the Cable Guy

If you're in a Gay Mafia and you get whacked, is that good or bad? [gay voice] Say hello to my little friend.

Larry the Cable Guy

Then there's a feller who got hit by a train! How the - how the heck do y'get hit by a train! I mean it's not like it'll jump up and attack ya at the last minute or nothin'! There's, like, a railroad there to give ya, y'know, a heads up sign! I tell ya, if you ever gonna get hit by a train, do this: [steps to side] TA-DA! There ya go! Attaboy!

Larry the Cable Guy

(intro) Well, here we go. This is the first book I've written since 1975, when I was in the 7th grade and wrote Boogers Are Good Eatin'.

Larry the Cable Guy

That show Biggest Loser is a dumb show. If I wanted to see fat people struggle with their weight, I'd go to my family reunion!

Larry the Cable Guy

A buddy of mine was mad at his son the other day 'cause he got caught having sex with his teacher. I thought, "Hey, that's pretty cool!"

Larry the Cable Guy

Oh like you never did that before! Every man - every man has done this! Just tuck your weiner between your legs, run around your house, lookit at yourself in the mirror, and say, "Oh, hey there, I'm Roseanne!"

Larry the Cable Guy

Cheney shots his buddy in the face. Clinton shot his intern in the face.

Larry the Cable Guy

I was madder then a mosquito in a mannequin factory.

Larry the Cable Guy

You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.

Larry the Cable Guy

My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.

Larry the Cable Guy

Do deaf people have alarm clocks? I asked a deaf guy that one time, the sumbitch just stared at me.

Larry the Cable Guy

Have you noticed lately how video games are getting way more sexually explicit and violent? I really gotta buy me one of them games!

Larry the Cable Guy

Do you get so drunk you hump a cupholder?

Larry the Cable Guy

I went to the Talladega 500 with a girl I had just met. She was very sweet with childlike qualities. No titties!

Larry the Cable Guy

I was madder than a Keebler elf getting demoted to fudge-packer.

Larry the Cable Guy

Good Lord, I went in for a check up the other day and the doctor said "You need to lay off eggs." I go "Is my cholesterol bad?" He said "No, your farts are killing everybody in this room."

Larry the Cable Guy

OJ isn't going to jail - he just changed his name to BJ.

Larry the Cable Guy

Had a buddy of mine caught a rainbow trout, and threw it back. He said he didn't want a gay fish.

Larry the Cable Guy