Tim Hawkins quotes

Lazy technology: the electric toothbrush-that always made me laugh. The electric toothbrush-what, is brushing your teeth too strenuous an exercise? For some people? You got people goin' [imitates fast, strenuous brushing of teeth]. "Man, I am really feeling the burn here. Wish this thing had a motor on it." Why don't you just have electric deodorant? (Tim Hawkins)
Y'all ever seen these commercials for these pills, this medication you take? It's like one pill for one thing, but they list, like, a hundred side effects? It's just like they're just scrolling for a minute. And you're thinkin, "Is that really a good trade? That can't be a good trade." You got people going, "Well, I can take the headaches, nausea, and vomiting, if it'll make my elbow feel better. It's really worth it-it is. I mean I've been taking it-Oh, oww! Owww! I can move it around, play with the kids, and-[pretends to vomit]. I've got full range of motion here." View quote
Tim Hawkins