Daniel Handler quotes

Daniel Handler is an American author and musician, best known for his work under the pen name Lemony Snicket. His popular series "A Series of Unfortunate Events" has captivated millions of young readers worldwide. He also writes for adults and is recognized for his unique, darkly humorous style. Here are 223 of his quotes:

Miracles are like meatballs because nobody knows what they are made of, where they came from or how often they should appear.

Daniel Handler

The sad truth is that the truth is sad.

Daniel Handler

Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.

Daniel Handler

Why, you're all grown up! The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!

Daniel Handler

People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.

Daniel Handler

A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes.

Daniel Handler

For Beatrice--When we met, my life began. Soon afterward, yours ended.

Daniel Handler

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.

Daniel Handler

I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on this inside would would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does.

Daniel Handler

But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny, who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

Daniel Handler

They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay.

Daniel Handler

There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.

Daniel Handler

The last safe place is safe no more.

Daniel Handler

Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.

Daniel Handler

I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.

Daniel Handler

This world is suchier than we are, and the best thing to do is keep moving and find your keys.

Daniel Handler

The right boys I always toss and the wrong ones I keep on top of me like paperweights.

Daniel Handler

Love can smack you like a seagull, and pour all over your feet like junkmail. You can't be ready for such a thing any more than salt water taffy gets you ready for the ocean.

Daniel Handler

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

Daniel Handler

For Beatrice--When we were together I felt breathless. Now, you are.-Lemony Snicket.

Daniel Handler

Love was in the air so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner.

Daniel Handler

Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.

Daniel Handler