John Cooper Clarke quotes

Somebody once said that a wedding is a funeral where you can smell your own flowers. Well, that's a harsh judgement in my book. I prefer to see it as a sexual relationship that is recognised by the police. (John Cooper Clarke)
At some point, the Mod look had a short-lived Country Life moment, when the gorgeous mohair sheen of the three-button suit gave way to matte autumnal earth tones. Give it a name: fucking brown. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
You know, like they say: never trust a thin chef, or a doctor with leprosy. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
Everyone thinks they'll make a better judge than any judge don't they? You see these nonces getting off with a six quid fine and being given a house next door to a school. And you think 'I wouldn't have done that.' View quote
John Cooper Clarke
Do not go mental, and with that, goodnight. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
I'm a short-term nostalgic; things were great ten minutes ago. If only I could go back there. At my time of life I suffer from déjà vu and amnesia at the same time; I can't remember what happens next. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
A suit where I can fall down drunk in a ditch get up the next morning and go on to a wedding; or more likely a funeral at my time of life. I could go to six a week but no man can live on vol-au-vents alone. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
I always judge people by appearances; don't you anyway? I think clothes are important; that's where the nudist camp falls down. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
As is often the case a failed marriage led to a successful divorce. We split the house; I got the outside...... It was at that point where I made a promise to myself, I said I'm not going to get married again, I'm just gonna find a woman I don't like and give her everything. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
I soon got a job as a fire-watcher at the Royal Naval Dockyard, the main employer in Plymouth. If anybody asked how many people worked there, the answer was always the same: about ten per cent. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
You can count on him. He'll always let you down. (John Cooper Clarke)
I was arrested on the flimsiest of evidence. I was occupying the driver's seat of a car that didn't belong to me. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
Having been a tubercular kid with a malformed physique, I have a dread of any situation where the shedding of garments might be required. I can't even swim. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
I don't think people would describe me as being tall any more, but if you had to describe me back then you would have said 'tall and thin.' View quote
John Cooper Clarke
Drugs eh! That's the trouble; they're indiscriminate. The good memories go with the fuckin' shit you're tryin' to block out. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
...she took us out on a motor ride to a beach, it was a nudist camp.....What those people do on their time off is their own business, the dirty bastards. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
I was met with the poet's greatest enemy; indifference. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
All my life, all I wanted to be was a professional poet. To me being a professional poet was better than notching up a hat trick at Old Trafford.....You get to wear fine clothes and perfume and nobody pulls you up on it. You get out of bed late in the day and nobody calls you a lazy bastard. A state of reverie and the virtue of idleness are paramount. Any poet will tell you this. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
[on the fear of a nervous breakdown] I don't think I ever lost this fear. It turned me into a default existentialist by the time I was six: I quickly learned that the pursuit of happiness is largely pointless, happiness being the only target one merely has to aim at in order to miss. View quote
John Cooper Clarke
I don't think people would describe me as being tall any more, but if you had to describe me back then you would have said 'tall and thin'. You don't really see as much stunted malnourishment nowadays. View quote
John Cooper Clarke