Josh Billings quotes - page 5

Marrying for buty iz a poor spekulashun, for enny man who sees yure wife, has got just about az mutch stock in her as yu have. (Josh Billings)
Awl human happiness is conservatiff; 2 thirds ov the pleasure in sliding down hill consists in drawing the sled back. I don't serpoze thare would be enny fun in sliding down a hill 34 miles long. View quote
Josh Billings
Men are often praized for their sagassity, but all the fore sight in the world kant tell a dubble yelked egg untill it iz broken. View quote
Josh Billings
Nature never makes blunders; when she makes a fool she means it. View quote
Josh Billings
Thare iz sich a thing az being alwus too quick--i am one ov that kind miself, i alwus miss a rale rode train bi being thare a haff an our too soon. View quote
Josh Billings
Yung man, don't grind yure scythe all on one side! View quote
Josh Billings
I had rather be a pot-bellied seed cowcumber, flung carelessly on a wood pile to ripen, than tew be an old bachelor. View quote
Josh Billings
Thare iz but phew people in this world underrated. View quote
Josh Billings
Don't mistake vivacity for wit, thare iz about az mutch difference az thare iz between lightning and a lightning bug. View quote
Josh Billings
I wouldn't undertake tew korrekt a mans sektarian views enny quicker than i would tell him which road tew take at a 4 corners, when i didn't know miself which waz the right one. View quote
Josh Billings
I am poor, and I am glad that i am, for i find that wealth makes more people mean than it duz generous. (Josh Billings)
Giv every one you meet, my boy, the time ov day and halff the road, and if that dont make him civil dont waste enny more fragrance on the cuss. View quote
Josh Billings
Thare iz this mutch kan be sed in favour ov good-breeding, it iz the only thing that kan make a phool endurable. View quote
Josh Billings
Genuine grief iz like penitence, not klamorous but subdued; sorrow from the hous tops and penitence in a market place shows more ambishun than piety. View quote
Josh Billings
About one haff the pitty in this world iz not the result ov sorrow, but satisfackshun that it aint our hoss that haz had hiz leg broke. View quote
Josh Billings
Natur duz awl her big and little jobs without making enny furse; the earth goes around the sun, the moon changes, the eklipses, and the pollywog, silently and taillessly, bekums a frog, but man kant even deliver a small-sized 4th ov July orashun without knocking down a mountain or two, and tareing up three or four primeval forests by the bleeding rutes. View quote
Josh Billings
Mankind loves misterys--a hole in the ground, excites mor wonder than a star in the heavens. View quote
Josh Billings
I hate grate talkers; i had rather hav a swarm of bees lite onto me. View quote
Josh Billings
Thare iz a grate deal ov charity in this world so koldly rendered that it fairly hurts, it iz like lifting a drowning man out ov the water bi the hair ov the hed, and then letting him drop on the ground. View quote
Josh Billings
Take awl the prophecys that hav cum tew pass, and awl that hav caught on the center, and failed tew cum tew time, and make them up in an average, and yer will find, that buying stock, on the Codfish Bank ov Nufoundland, at 50 per cent, for a rise, iz, in comparison, a good spekulatiff bizziness. View quote
Josh Billings
Menny people spend their time trieing tew find the hole whare sin got into this world--if two men brake through the ice into a mill pond, they had better hunt for sum good hole tew git out, rather than git into a long argument about the hole they cum tew fall in. (Josh Billings)
No one can disgrace us but ourselves. View quote
Josh Billings
It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash. View quote
Josh Billings
Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return. View quote
Josh Billings
Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since. View quote
Josh Billings