Robin Williams quotes - page 2

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev. (Robin Williams)
Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz?" View quote
Robin Williams
Ballet: men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are. View quote
Robin Williams
There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, "People: They're kinda like flowers and it's been a privilege walking in your garden." View quote
Robin Williams
We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that! View quote
Robin Williams
Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. View quote
Robin Williams
But I know, as beatific as Gandhi was, there was somebody in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi...he was a prick. I saw him sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on Mother Teresa. He kept saying, 'Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?'" View quote
Robin Williams
[About the Swiss] The nice Germans, Yeah. Or as they like to say, the other white race. Now, I have only one question. How can you trust an army, how butch is an army that has a wine opener on its knife? "Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, you pull the cork out, sniff it, say, 'Meat or fish?', and throw! (Military cadence) I don't know, but I've been told, Chardonnay must be served cold! Ja!" View quote
Robin Williams
[regarding Sarah Palin] "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one... Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform. View quote
Robin Williams
These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When we were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes. View quote
Robin Williams
And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time. (Robin Williams)
I'd like to welcome you the AOPA. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya! View quote
Robin Williams
[On football] You're playing a game against a man called the Refrigerator! He's not a refrigerator – he's a goddamn HOUSE with LEGS!! View quote
Robin Williams
Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". "Who are you?" View quote
Robin Williams
My God, what am I doing here? It's weird. How do you get to the Met? Money! Lots and lots of money! I can imagine Pavarotti next door at the improv going, "Two Jews walk into a bar..." View quote
Robin Williams
The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using SupposiSound! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why. View quote
Robin Williams
Now, Michael is claiming racism. I'm going, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first." Baby, what are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying? View quote
Robin Williams
The professor was on acid, and sometimes he'd shout, "I'm Lincoln!" And then, there'd be a kid in the back, "I'm Booth!" View quote
Robin Williams
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet. View quote
Robin Williams
In the midst of all this, there was Bernie Madoff. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe? View quote
Robin Williams
Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. Lincoln? Duck! (Robin Williams)
They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called home basing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY! View quote
Robin Williams
(Imitating Royal Family) I've tell you we've not been inbred but don't look at the ears. That's all we can do is screw in a light bulb. Look at the teeth, look at the ears and go, something's gone wrong. Gene pool is a jacuzzi back up. View quote
Robin Williams
(Imitating Pavarotti) "It is amazing I know it is huge. BEHOLD IT. IT IS GROWING. ALL OF MY PHALLUS IS A SHOWING!" View quote
Robin Williams
Nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people. View quote
Robin Williams