P. G. Wodehouse quotes - page 9

I goggled. Her words did not appear to make sense. They seemed the mere aimless vapouring of an aunt who has been sitting out in the sun without a hat. (P. G. Wodehouse)
Nannie Bruce, a tall, gangling light-heavyweight with a suggestion in her appearance of a private in the Grenadiers dressed up to play the title role in Charley's Aunt, was one of those doggedly faithful retainers who adhere to almost all old families like barnacles to the hulls of ships...She was as much a fixture as the stone lions or the funny smell in the attic. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Even at normal times Aunt Dahlia's map tended a little towards the crushed strawberry. But never had I seen it take on so pronounced a richness as now. She looked like a tomato struggling for self-expression. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
For an author Jerry Vail was rather nice-looking, most authors, as is widely known, resembling in appearance the more degraded types of fish, unless they look like birds, when they could pass as vultures and no questions asked. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
It's only about once in a lifetime that anything sensational ever happens to one, and when it does, you don't want people taking all the colour out of it. I remember at school having to read that stuff where that chap, Othello, tells the girl what a hell of a time he'd been having among the cannibals and what not. Well, imagine his feelings if, after he had described some particularly sticky passage with a cannibal chief and was waiting for the awestruck "Oh-h! Not really?", she had said that the whole thing had no doubt been greatly exaggerated and that the man had probably really been a prominent local vegetarian. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
She's all for not letting the sun go down without having started something calculated to stagger humanity. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
... "someone tried to assasinate Lenin with a revolver. That is our (Russia's) great national sport, you see." View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
I'd always thought her half-baked, but now I think they didn't even put her in the oven. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
To say that his conscience was clear would be inaccurate, for he did not have a conscience, but he had what was much better, an alibi... View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
The junior partner of Caine and Cooper, though a man of blameless life, had one of those dark, saturnine faces which suggest a taste for the more sinister forms of crime, and on one cheek of that dark, saturnine face was a long scar. Actually it had been caused by the bursting of a gingerbeer bottle at a Y. M. C. A. picnic, but it gave the impression of being the outcome of battles with knives in the cellars of the underworld. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
The female in question was a sloppy pest. (P. G. Wodehouse)
...as I felt my way along the wall I collided with what turned out to be a grandfather clock, for the existence of which I had not budgeted, and it toppled over with a sound like the delivery of several tons of coal through the roof of a conservatory. Glass crashed, pulleys and things parted from their moorings, and as I stood trying to separate my heart from the front teeth in which it had become entangled, the lights flashed on and I beheld Sir Watkyn Bassett. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
I was expecting Pop Bassett to give an impersonation of a bomb falling on an ammunition dump, but he didn't. Instead, he continued to exhibit that sort of chilly stiffness which you see in magistrates when they're fining people five quid for boyish peccadilloes. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
In English country towns, if the public houses do not actually outnumber the inhabitants, they all do an excellent trade. It is only when they are two to one that hard times hit them and set the innkeepers to blaming the government. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
"Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary," murmured Psmith. (Earlier usage of the precise words "Elementary, my dear Watson" has been found in the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.) View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
At five minutes to eleven on the morning named he was at the station, a false beard and spectacles shielding his identity from the public eye. If you had asked him he would have said that he was a Scotch business man. As a matter of fact, he looked far more like a motor-car coming through a haystack. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
What I want to know is what a fellow does when he plays golf. Tell me in as few words as you can just what it's all about. -- You hit a ball with a stick until it falls into a hole. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Anybody can talk me round. If I were in a Trappist monastery, the first thing that would happen would be that some smooth performer would lure me into some frightful idiocy against my better judgment by means of the deaf-and-dumb language. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Whenever I meet Ukridge's Aunt Julia I have the same curious illusion of having just committed some particularly unsavoury crime and-what is more-of having done it with swollen hands, enlarged feet, and trousers bagging at the knee on a morning when I had omitted to shave. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
He committed mayhem upon his person. He did everything to him that a man can do who is hampered with boxing gloves. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Honoria, you see, is one of those robust, dynamic girls with the muscles of a welterweight and a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge. A beastly thing to face over the breakfast table. Brainy, moreover. (P. G. Wodehouse)
Dedication: To my daughter Leonora without whose never-failing sympathy and encouragement this book would have been finished in half the time. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
While they were content to peck cautiously at the ball, he never spared himself in his efforts to do it a violent injury. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
[of a character in "The Man Who Gave Up Smoking" who is suffering from a hangover] ... the noise of the cat stamping about in the passage outside caused him exquisite discomfort. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
In one second, without any previous training or upbringing, he had become the wettest man in Worcestershire. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse