Matt Roper quotes

I'm a Taurus, you know. A bull. I belong in a field. (Matt Roper)
I want truth. I'm crying out to hear it. I need it like oxygen. View quote
Matt Roper
I can't abide small talk. View quote
Matt Roper
I have two vintage typewriters. One just about works and the other hasn't a hope in hell, bless it. But they're both beautiful, and they'll stay with me just as long as there's a roof over my head. View quote
Matt Roper
I've spent so much of my adult life in relationships that it's actually quite pleasant to be alone at last. I turned thirty-six the other day, which staggers me when I think about it. View quote
Matt Roper
I'm the worst ad anyone could possibly be for abstaining from anything. View quote
Matt Roper
Seven thirty in the morning is too early for a man of my standing. View quote
Matt Roper
Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.' My relatives seem to drop like flies around me. Who's next? Will it be someone I can't stand? View quote
Matt Roper
We must remember to enjoy ourselves. View quote
Matt Roper
I once knew a girl who didn't know where anywhere was in the world. Not a clue. I asked her if she knew where Africa was and she answered, 'Is it the orange one on a map?' View quote
Matt Roper
Milk which is just about to turn is akin to that moment spent on the cusp of failure in a dulled and fettered relationship. (Matt Roper)
I like a decent funeral, and God knows in my family we've seen enough of them. Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army. View quote
Matt Roper

Matt Roper

Matt Roper - Image
Photo: Minniesboys, CC BY-SA 4.0
Occupation: British Comedian
Born: 1977
Quotes count: 12