Gilbert Gottfried quotes

Gilbert Gottfried was an American comedian and actor known for his distinctive voice and offbeat sense of humor. His stand-up performances and appearances in films and television left a memorable mark on the world of comedy. He will always be remembered for lending his unique voice to iconic characters like Iago in Disney's "Aladdin." Here are 65 of his quotes:

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.

Gilbert Gottfried

I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?

Gilbert Gottfried

With me, traveling for work is arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel, leaving the hotel the next morning at 4 or 5 to do something like 'The Jimmy and Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' doing a bunch of those in a row, then going back to the hotel, and then finally going to the club.

Gilbert Gottfried

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

Gilbert Gottfried

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

Gilbert Gottfried

People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.

Gilbert Gottfried

I always try to avoid anything that has to do with my life.

Gilbert Gottfried

I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.

Gilbert Gottfried

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.

Gilbert Gottfried

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

Gilbert Gottfried

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

Gilbert Gottfried

I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.

Gilbert Gottfried

A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'

Gilbert Gottfried

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

Gilbert Gottfried

I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashians divorce before she did.

Gilbert Gottfried

You never know what people will choose to be offended by.

Gilbert Gottfried

No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

Gilbert Gottfried

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Gilbert Gottfried

I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

Gilbert Gottfried

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

Gilbert Gottfried

One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.

Gilbert Gottfried

If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.

Gilbert Gottfried