Maddox quotes - page 2

Science can learn a lot from someone this stupid. (Maddox)
This car just looks terrible; it looks like it was designed by a blind child with arthritis. In a coma. View quote
Maddox
(introduction) This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong. View quote
Maddox
There are only three reasons you should ever be this delighted about anything, and all of them involve you being a hot chick, meeting me, and lube. View quote
Maddox
No, I'm not a democrat or a republican. I'm just a guy who's tired of the bullshit. View quote
Maddox
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples. View quote
Maddox
Okay, here's a tip: if you're doing something creepy like molesting children, you don't need to take topless photos of yourself to seal the deal. We know, the pedosmile is enough. View quote
Maddox
Having spelling errors is one thing, but c'mon. I've typed out more coherent sentences with my penis. View quote
Maddox
I have a different stance on abortion: I'm against abortion, but for killing babies. That way everyone loses, and I win. I'm neither pro choice, nor pro life; I'm pro you-shutting-the-hell-up. The only way I'd be "pro choice" is if it meant I could choose which babies I could abort, and only then if I could lift the age restriction to 80." View quote
Maddox
When I say this game is hard, I mean hard like nipples-on-a-blind-lesbian-in-a-fish-market hard. View quote
Maddox
I hate the help screen, I hate the options, I hate the card graphics, I hate the default window size, everything. I HATE SOLITAIRE. (Maddox)
I've only had one dream in my life with kids in it that didn't involve me gnawing my feet off, and it had to do with kids doing my laundry. View quote
Maddox
There are pigs that can manipulate joysticks, yet you morons can't even send me an intelligible email. View quote
Maddox
Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH. View quote
Maddox
If there were a building that stood for grammatical integrity, this email would be the plane that crashed into it. View quote
Maddox
In an effort to salvage the money I wasted on this bullshit, I ate six cups of jello, one bag of corn nuts, a Soynut bar, and a bag of jelly beans for dinner. The only thing X-TREME about this experience was the X-TREME dump I took later that night:. View quote
Maddox
... the real reason ADD exists is because executives at pharmaceutical companies need to make their Lexus payments. View quote
Maddox
If trashy television was a video game, The Jenny Jones show would be the final boss. View quote
Maddox
President Bush withdrew from the Anti-Ballistic Missile treaty. Good I say, global stability was getting to be a pain in the ass. View quote
Maddox
She started crying when she saw the busted colon I gave her pussy husband, so she took one of her shoes off and threw it at me. I caught the shoe between my pecs and I started to laugh like a pirate. Then she started walking towards me to take her shoe back, and there was no way I was going to let this bitch get near my chest so I body slammed her into a cactus that happened to be there. She got up and was uglier than before, so I did what I always do when women start to cry: I went back inside to play video games. View quote
Maddox
Imagine finding out you got rejected from community college, then finding out that your alcoholic father got arrested for domestic abuse, you lost all your life savings in a Ponzi scheme, and all of this happens to you while you're on the space shuttle Challenger. Then you wake up and it's all a bad dream, except you realize that you're at work without clothes on, and work is NASA and you're really on the space shuttle Challenger. That's what this movie is like, only infinitely worse. Everything about this movie pissed me off, save for the lesbian finger bang scene. Except even that sucked because it wasn't in the movie. (Maddox)
There aren't many things I don't want to experience in life, but the sensual caress of a parent going through mid-life crisis is one of them. View quote
Maddox
Fernando is wanted for 'murder with a deadly weapon' according to the FBI website. As opposed to being wanted for murder with a non-deadly weapon? View quote
Maddox
If you've ever wondered what someone who's horny enough to pay a bunch of adolescents $5000 in cash in exchange for some action looks like, take a good look at Ms. Walker's picture. Three words: battery operated dildo. Or if you happen to be a stickler for brevity like I am, just one word: cucumber. Because, damn. View quote
Maddox
New rule: if your state has more cows than people, you don't get to be a state anymore. View quote
Maddox