Chuck Klosterman quotes - page 4

People who barely know the two of you assume you are close friends; people who know both of you intimately suspect you profoundly hate each other. (Chuck Klosterman)
The satisfaction you feel from your own success pales in comparison to the despair you feel from this person's personal triumphs, even if those triumphs are completely unrelated to your life. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
Every time you talk to this person, you lie. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
You and this person once competed for the same woman, and you both failed. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
This person has done at least two (2) things that would be classified as "unforgivable." View quote
Chuck Klosterman
If your archenemy tried to kill you, this person would attempt to stop him. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
At some point in the past, this person was (arguably) your best friend. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
This SimChuck is one suave bastard. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
A whole bunch of months passed and I didn't hear anything and then he emailed and asked if I could do a little piece on POD and Queens of the Stone Age. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
It's just that what's important there is different there than what's important is here. Here, people care that you wrote a book or that you work in the media. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
I also did an Ozzy piece for him, and so I got hired. Everything happened really fast. I can't give people advice, because everything in my life changed completely in less than a year and it's still not something I am used to. (Chuck Klosterman)
In Fargo, they say, well, that's a job. How well do you get paid? For example, for this book I was written about in Entertainment Weekly, and it was kind of cool because my mom asked me if Entertainment Weekly was a magazine or a newspaper. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
It didn't seem remotely possible. I had no idea how people got those jobs, I didn't know what the steps were, it never even dawned on me. It seemed so outside the realm of possibility. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
Were there really this many women in 1985 saying to their husbands, "Gee, honey, I'd love to have random strangers masturbate to a jpeg image of me deepthroating a titanium dildo, but there's no medium for that. Guess we'll have to watch 'Falcon Crest.' View quote
Chuck Klosterman
We all concede that 'they' rule 'us'. But here is the secret shame of that amorphous entity that makes us all cower in shame: 'they' are losers. 'They' are failures. 'They' don't realize that life is-almost without exception-an absolute meritocracy, and everyone who succeeds completely deserves it. (The exceptions being Dale Peck, MTV on-air personalities who aren't Kurt Loder, Al Franken, and myself) View quote
Chuck Klosterman
Within the context of life, I am the centrist pragmatist who doesn't even vote; within the context of sports, I am a potential war criminal. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
I keep saying the word "weird" over and over again, but it's the only way I can describe it. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
In fact, there may be a day in the near future when you find yourself in a conversation about this book, and someone will ask you what the story is really about, beyond the rudimentary narrative of a cross-country death trip based on a magazine article. And it's very likely you will say, "well, the larger thesis is somewhat underdeveloped, but there is this point early in the story where he takes a woman to Ithaca for no real reason, and it initially seems innocuous, but - as you keep reading - you sort of see how this behaviour is a self-perpetuating problem that keeps reappearing over and over again." In all probability, you will also complain about the author's reliance on self-indulgent, postmodern self-awareness, which will prompt the person you're conversing with to criticize the influence of Dave Eggers on the memoir-writing genre. Then your cell phone will ring, and you will agree to meet someone for brunch. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
Even if this person's girlfriend was a hateful bitch, you would sleep with her out of spite. View quote
Chuck Klosterman
[Coldplay is] a British pop group whose success derives from their ability to write melodramatic alt-rock songs about fake love. It does not matter that Coldplay is the shittiest fucking band I've ever heard in my entire fucking life, or that they sound like a mediocre photocopy of Travis (who sounds like a mediocre photocopy of Radiohead), or that their greatest fucking artistic achievement is a video where the blandly attractive frontman walks on a beach on a cloudy afternoon. None of that matters. What matters is that Coldplay manufactures fake love as frenetically as the Ford fucking Motor Company manufactures Mustangs. . . "For you I bleed myself dry," sang the blockhead vocalist, brilliantly informing us that stars in the sky are, in fact, yellow. View quote
Chuck Klosterman