Garrison Keillor quotes

Garrison Keillor is an American author, storyteller, and radio personality, best known as the creator and host of "A Prairie Home Companion." His gentle humor and vivid storytelling have captivated audiences for decades. He has received numerous awards for his contributions to literature and public radio. Here are 85 of his quotes:

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.

Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles.

Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Garrison Keillor

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then.

Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.

Garrison Keillor

On investments, 1998 Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, 30 cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.

Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Garrison Keillor

There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

Garrison Keillor

I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.

Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.

Garrison Keillor