Ben Croshaw quotes

So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it. (Ben Croshaw)
The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn't. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Developers usually know their game's flaws better than anyone. Deadlines and publisher meddling are why they don't get fixed. View quote
Ben Croshaw
I feel bad when I'm the only person on the bus. It's like I'm the only person who showed up to the driver's birthday party. View quote
Ben Croshaw
I'd just like to point out that Billy Joel looks like the result of a depraved breeding experiment between Ringo Starr and the tall bloke from Everybody Loves Raymond. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Also, you can't prove that there isn't a ghost of Bagpuss hovering right behind your head as you read this. He's right there, man! No, he disappeared right after you turned your head. I swear he's there. Look, he's back again now! View quote
Ben Croshaw
Yes, I have been harvested by mainstream media for whatever time remains for television to still be called 'mainstream' before the internet destroys it once and for all. View quote
Ben Croshaw
I had written a beautiful piece for today. It was a rant about how much I despise Halloween. It was witty, well-written and a shining example of a writer at the top of his form. Then I tried to save it, and my computer crashed. So I guess you won't get to read it. Out of all the people in the world, I am the only one who had the opportunity to read my brilliant Halloween article, and now the text is already fading from my cruel, cruel short-term memory, the paragraphs lost in a whirling sea of data, never to be seen again. View quote
Ben Croshaw
There's something oddly satisfying about coughing up a particularly big mouthful of phlegm. Could almost let you skip breakfast. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Apparently this is true, according to one The_Mad_Revisionist, who is incidentally the aforementioned one man who believes fervently that (a) the moon does not exist, and (b) there's a huge worldwide conspiracy covering this up. Amazing how times change; as little as a hundred years ago we used to keep loonies like this in big sanitariums where they get poked with sticks and hosed down with cold water every night. Nowadays, we just give them websites. Heh. I just realised you could make a half-decent Matrix parody out of this guy. There Is No Moon. View quote
Ben Croshaw
...at the end of the day, nothing makes me feel more positive than something I can get really pissed off about. (Ben Croshaw)
"Those shells don't look very comfortable, miss." - Edited from the original script of the Little Mermaid (Chapter Eleven) View quote
Ben Croshaw
Ah, spam. Where would we be without spam? I'll tell you where. We'll be living in a lush, verdant paradise, unspoilt by rejected technology, where men and women of all creeds and races can join hands and sing for the sheer joy of being alive. (The Spam Man Cometh) View quote
Ben Croshaw
I'm not a great judge of my own work, me. I'm constantly referring to the ZP Wikiquote page to find out for myself what the funniest line that week was. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Don't you think it's weird how so many awards these days look like rough crystal formations freshly carved from the rock? Oh I guess you wouldn't know because YOU DON'T WIN AWARDS. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Michael Atkinson vows to continue to 'fight' violent media. Which seems a bit like trying to turn the tide back with a water pistol. View quote
Ben Croshaw
The 'wemon' is a shy creature and bathrooms offer it comfort by reminding it of its native Sweden! Try to lure it out with a few styrofoam packing peanuts and scratch it gently behind the ears. View quote
Ben Croshaw
I seem to have gathered a reputation for being a jerk in real life, because frankly fans make me uncomfortable. Complete strangers come up and talk to me like they've known me their whole lives, and for that reason I can seem a bit stand-offish... No, the whole "fan" thing confuses me. View quote
Ben Croshaw
There's nothing I enjoy more than sitting down with a big piece of marmite on toast and reading through the archives of a good webcomic. The only problem is that the good webcomics are all hidden behind pile upon pile of testicle sweat masquerading as entertainment. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Christians are a funny lot, aren't they? It doesn't seem to matter what their God does, they'll just keep on loving him regardless. View quote
Ben Croshaw
You couldn't make this any smaller without needing a sewing needle and magnifying glass to work it. I'm tempted to see if I can swallow it, and belch the White Album all the way home. (Ben Croshaw)
You're never alone when you're totally self-absorbed. View quote
Ben Croshaw
"Hey, mister professional game critic, have you ever heard of this obscure game called 'Deus Ex'?" This is why I hate reading my email. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Rest assured, Mogworld's not being entirely released online. Just the first part. I would still like your money. That would be lovely. View quote
Ben Croshaw
I have a very patchy memory of my childhood. It's one of the things about myself I'm most proud of. (More From the Poetry Corner) View quote
Ben Croshaw