P. G. Wodehouse quotes - page 5

Then he rose and began to pace the room in an overwrought sort of way, like a zoo lion who has heard the dinner-gong go and is hoping the keeper won't forget him in the general distribution. (P. G. Wodehouse)
Alf Todd,' said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, ‘has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild-cat's ear with a red-hot needle. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
I've seen him a couple of times in the arena, and was profoundly impressed by his virtuosity. Rugby football is more or less a sealed book to me, I never having gone in for it, but even I could see he was good. The lissomness with which he moved hither and thither was most impressive, as was his homicidal ardour when doing what I believe is called tackling. Like the Canadian Mounted Police he always got his man, and when he did so the air was vibrant with the excited cries of the morticians in the audience making bids for the body. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
On his good mornings, I don't suppose there are more than a handful of men in the W. 1 postal district of London swifter to spot oompus-boompus than Bertram Wooster, and this was one of my particularly good mornings. I saw the whole hideous plot. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Oh, yes, he thinks a lot of you. I remember his very words. 'Mr Wooster, miss' he said 'is, perhaps, mentally somewhat negligible but he has a heart of gold. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Flowers are happy things. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
He was white and shaken, like a dry martini. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks. (P. G. Wodehouse)
Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Unseen, in the background, Fate was quietly slipping the lead into the boxing-glove. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
If the prophet Job were to walk into the room at this moment, I could sit swapping hard-luck stories with him till bedtime. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
"I don't want to seem always to be criticizing your methods of voice production, Jeeves," I said, "but I must inform you that that 'Well, sir' of yours is in many respects fully as unpleasant as your 'Indeed, sir?' View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
One of the first lessons life teaches us is that on these occasions of back-chat between the delicately-nurtured a man should retire into the offing, curl up in a ball, and imitate the prudent tactics of the opossum, which, when danger is in the air, pretends to be dead, frequently going to the length of hanging out crêpe and instructing its friends to stand round and say what a pity it all is. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it. (P. G. Wodehouse)
Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Hell, it is well known, has no fury like a woman who wants her tea and can't get it. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse
Well, you know, there are limits to the sacred claims of friendship. View quote
P. G. Wodehouse