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Joan Rivers quotes - page 2
[Catchphrase:] Can we talk?
Joan Rivers
Why do wives have to spend so much time dusting, vacuuming, mopping, making beds, washing dishes, when you just have to do it all again six months later?
Joan Rivers
Two is company; three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
[Catchphrase:] Oh, grow up!
Joan Rivers
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.
Joan Rivers
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
I am furious about everything.
Joan Rivers
I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
Joan Rivers
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
Joan Rivers
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers
I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.
Joan Rivers
It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
I was not an attractive child.
Joan Rivers
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Photo:
John Mathew Smith & www.celebrity-photos.com from Laurel Maryland, USA
,
CC BY-SA 2.0
Occupation:
American Comedian
Born:
June 8, 1933
Died:
September 4, 2014
Quotes count:
80
Wikipedia:
Joan Rivers
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