Dave Barry quotes - page 4

Dave Barry is an American humor columnist and author, known for his witty commentary on everyday life. His columns and books have entertained millions with their irreverent and insightful humor. He continues to be a beloved figure in American comedy writing. Here are 260 of his quotes:

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. (Dave Barry)

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

Dave Barry

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.

Dave Barry

Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.

Dave Barry

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Dave Barry

If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.

Dave Barry

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

Dave Barry

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.

Dave Barry

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Dave Barry

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

Dave Barry

Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home. (Dave Barry)

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

Dave Barry

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.

Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Dave Barry

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Dave Barry

Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.

Dave Barry

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

Dave Barry

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

Dave Barry

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

Dave Barry

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

Dave Barry

There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately. (Dave Barry)

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

Dave Barry

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

Dave Barry

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Dave Barry

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry

Occupation: American Journalist
Born: July 3, 1947
Quotes count: 260
Wikipedia: Dave Barry

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