Telly Quotes
(On the prospect of Thatcher's death) Be serious - this is just a fantasy, because if she were killed, would it actually make any difference? Would things get any better? Course they wouldn't; don't kid yourself. They'd get worse, because she would become a martyr – this monetarist martyr - a cult figure, like Eva Peron. Can you imagine the televised funeral? There she'd be, laid out in a glass coffin, in the blue gear, the hair-do and all the rest of it. She'd be laying there just really life-like - just like she was in life - a bit warmer. It would be on the telly. You thought Winston Churchill was bad; you can imagine what this would be like. And then, of course, it wouldn't stop at that. There would be films - The Night Brighton Rocked. There'd be musicals. Tim Rice would be churning out the musicals about her life - Magita. There'd be Elaine Page belting out the big numbers: 'Don't Cry for Me, Barnet Finchley.
Linda Smith
I won't get over that in a hurry: my least favourite atrophied Hazel McWitch lookalike in the world, singing "I just want to make love to you", right there on primetime telly. She has to be the only person on Earth who can take a lyric like that and make it seem like a blood-curdling threat without changing any of the words.
Charlie Brooker
I wasn't into glam-rock. I was just into him. I never really saw him as glam-rock. Actually, I liked T-Rex too. Electric Warrior was great. But Bowie made me think. I just got lost in it-Man Who Sold the World, Hunky Dory, Ziggy Stardust-that era. I thought it was just magical, although I was dead impressionable then. But I though he looked brilliant-I still do. I hated the following he had though, especially around the Aladdin Sane era-it just destroyed his mystique. He doesn't hold that mystique for me now-he's just a normal bloke, I suppose. But I remember in 1972 when he was on the telly doing "Starman"-I couldn't believe it! It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. It's meant to be a bit of an embarrassing admission now to have liked that kind of thing, but I really did. And I remember when I grew out of it and I couldn't get into Ziggy Stardust the way I used to. I felt really sad about it. I played it and nothing happened.
Ian McCulloch
Have you guys noticed that Madonna is British now? OK, let's talk about her lineage for a minute. Raised in Michigan, moved to New York, is British. She started turning British like at the Golden Globes and she was doing the interviews and she says "telly" instead of "television" and she uses the word "actually" way too much and then she's also sorta bringing her voice down to a register around here (brings her voice down) and she's being interviewed for the Golden Globes and she's got whole, you know, crazy hair that everybody hated and everybody has and they were saying, "Well, Madonna, we're so glad to have you at the Golden Globes." (speaks in Madonna British accent) "Well, actually, it is more fun to come here than watch it on the telly". You know. Look, I'm from the midwest- its a TV.
Kathy Griffin
For me to get into that creative process I have to have a sort of quiet place that I work from. And if I was living the life of ... somebody in the industry, as a pop star or whatever, it's too distracting. It's too to do with other people's perceptions of who you are, and what's important to me is to be a human being who has a soul, and who hopefully has a sense of who they are, not who everybody else thinks you are.
And I think, you know, that's something that's very difficult for people who become extremely famous. I mean, I find it completely ridiculous this obsession with celebrities. ... Why are celebrities so important to people? It's absolute crap. I mean, the important people are surgeons and doctors and people actually put people back together and make a difference to people's lives. Not somebody who's in an ad on telly. I mean, okay, so that's valid for what it is, too. But why so much attention on something that's so shallow?
Kate Bush
In recent years we have been served up a lot of claptrap about the need for a national identity. We have been urged to sing imbecile jingles, flex our muscles like the sportsmen from telly commercials, and display a heart optimism totally unconvincing because so superficial an unnatural. Those who preach this doctrine are usually the kind of chauvinist who is preparing his country, not to avert war, but to engage in it.
Patrick White
