Joke Quotes - page 3

Gene Autry was the most. It may sound like a joke - Go and have a look in my bedroom, It's covered with Gene Autry posters. He was my first musical influence. (Ringo Starr)
We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens's creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media. View quote
Ann Coulter
It does not matter. The joke is we all have the same punch line. View quote
Chuck Palahniuk
"Call me Meier," Goring said, but he did not pause to explain the joke. View quote
Philip José Farmer
Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke. View quote
Joss Whedon
And I liked pluralist Australia. I got a taste for pluralist Australia. I like, I like Australians and I can't believe that they're going to go to hell because they tell a good dirty joke, you know. View quote
Thomas Keneally
People say I'm the life of the party 'Cause I tell a joke or two. Although I might be laughing loud and hearty, Deep inside I'm blue. So take a good look at my face. You know my smile looks out of place. If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my tears. View quote
Smokey Robinson
Sometimes I want to joke but my English isn't perfect. Sometimes people are wondering what I'm talking about. View quote
Alexander Ovechkin
I am all at once what Christ is, ' since he was what I am, and This Jack, joke, poor potsherd, ' patch, matchwood, immortal diamond, Is immortal diamond. View quote
Gerard Manley Hopkins
He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish. View quote
Georg Brandes
It's a cosmic joke that I'm a lesbian, because I understand men so well but women are a complete mystery to me. (Lea DeLaria)
A good mathematical joke is better, and better mathematics, than a dozen mediocre papers. View quote
John Edensor Littlewood
A despot doesn't fear eloquent writers preaching freedom - he fears a drunken poet who may crack a joke that will take hold. View quote
E. B. White
The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke. View quote
Jane Austen
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? View quote
Dick Clark
What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands. View quote
Lewis Carroll
Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now. View quote
Janeane Garofalo
We must resist the temptation to be "normal,” because those who are now considered normal accept the values and practices of an insane world. In modern society, for example, normal people strive to accumulate as many commodities as possible, because they believe that their success and personal worth are linked to the number of possessions they have acquired. As the joke goes, "The one who dies with the most toys, wins.” If we espouse this viewpoint, the toys we have to play with form the measure of our personal worth. Unfortunately, this notion confuses acquired material worth with our inherent worth as spiritual beings. View quote
Bhakti Tirtha Swami
If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke. View quote
Kurt Vonnegut
A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it is supposed to snap. View quote
Kurt Vonnegut
There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke. (Herman Melville)
It is - or seems to be - a wise sort of thing, to realise that all that happens to a man in this life is only by way of joke, especially his misfortunes, if he have them. And it is also worth bearing in mind, that the joke is passed round pretty liberally & impartially, so that not very many are entitled to fancy that they in particular are getting the worst of it. View quote
Herman Melville
Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned in the first half was wrong. View quote
Russell Baker
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. View quote
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
It is natural that people do not want to be involved with us too much. There is no problem down to the smallest egotistical longing which the Gestapo cannot solve. Regarded in this way we are, if a joke is permitted, looked upon as a cross between a general maid and the dustbin of the Reich. View quote
Reinhard Heydrich