When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. (Henny Youngman)

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Henny Youngman

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I went to a doctor and told him I felt normal on acid, that I was a light bulb in a world of moths. That is what the manic state is like.

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I'm 86 and my doctor used to tell me to slow down - at least he did until he dropped dead.

Cesar Romero

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.

Rodney Dangerfield

Optimistic lies have such immense therapeutic value that a doctor who cannot tell them convincingly has mistaken his profession.

George Bernard Shaw

First the doctor told me the good news I was going to have a disease named after me.

Steve Martin