Greg Behrendt quotes - page 3

There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him. (Greg Behrendt)

First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend.

Greg Behrendt

A good indication that it's not is if you're only staying with What's His Name because you're scared.

Greg Behrendt

Don't spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.

Greg Behrendt

Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.

Greg Behrendt

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

Greg Behrendt

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won't keep you guessing, because he'll want to make sure you don't get frustrated and go away.

Greg Behrendt

Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

Greg Behrendt

We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, "You're not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both-or even worse, cry and yell at us.

Greg Behrendt

Don't waste the pretty.

Greg Behrendt

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book. (Greg Behrendt)

I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I am, but when I watch myself, it doesn't make me laugh. Does that make sense? Because I know the jokes, and to me, I feel like I'm pulling the wool over people's eyes. And there are probably people who do not enjoy what I do.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt

Greg Behrendt - Image

Photo: Tyler Ross, CC BY 2.0

Occupation: American Comedian
Born: July 21, 1963
Quotes count: 62