Andy Rooney quotes - page 2

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. (Andy Rooney)
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. View quote
Andy Rooney
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting. View quote
Andy Rooney
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper. View quote
Andy Rooney
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter. View quote
Andy Rooney
Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens. View quote
Andy Rooney
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread. View quote
Andy Rooney
I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points. View quote
Andy Rooney
Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of. View quote
Andy Rooney
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys. View quote
Andy Rooney
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book. (Andy Rooney)
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men. View quote
Andy Rooney
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads. View quote
Andy Rooney
I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me. View quote
Andy Rooney
We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones. View quote
Andy Rooney
The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians. View quote
Andy Rooney
I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran. View quote
Andy Rooney
I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you. View quote
Andy Rooney
Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt. View quote
Andy Rooney
All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law. View quote
Andy Rooney
The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means. (Andy Rooney)
Ive had quite a few complaints lately from people who like it when I complain about things. They say I havent complained about anything lately. So tonight, for you complaint fans, I have a complaint. View quote
Andy Rooney
I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does. View quote
Andy Rooney
Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout. View quote
Andy Rooney
I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by. View quote
Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney - Image
Photo: Stephenson Brown, CC BY 2.0
Occupation: American Humorist
Born: January 14, 1919
Died: November 4, 2011
Quotes count: 75
Wikipedia: Andy Rooney

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