Tina Fey quotes - page 2

I have two daughters, and we live here in Manhattan, and having gone through the Manhattan kindergarten application process, nothing will ever rival the stress of that. (Tina Fey)
Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy. View quote
Tina Fey
Maxim magazine recently released its annual hot 100 list, with Eva Longoria at #1, followed by Jennifer Garner and Lindsay Lohan. While I, once again, was ranked between Bonnie Hunt and Joy Behar. View quote
Tina Fey
According to reports, Britney Spears has told family and close friends that she and her new husband Kevin Federline are expecting their first child. So far, no word on whether it will be a pimp or a ho. View quote
Tina Fey
It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don't like something, it is empirically not good. View quote
Tina Fey
MTV announced this week that the next season of The Real World will be shot in Detroit, as will several cast members. View quote
Tina Fey
They made a porn movie about Sarah Palin, and the same actress, Lisa Ann, played me in the porn version of 30 Rock. Weirdly, of the three of us, Lisa Ann knows the most about foreign policy. View quote
Tina Fey
Brokeback Mountain was released last weekend. Its notable for being the first Western where the good guys get it in the end. View quote
Tina Fey
Helmut Simon, who 13 years ago found the 5,000-year-old remains of a prehistoric man frozen in the ice of an Alpine glacier, has himself disappeared in the snow-covered Alps. Helmut, if you can hear me, don't give up. Help is on the way in five thousand years. View quote
Tina Fey
At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment. Organizers of the orgy were expecting 1500 men, and 8 women. View quote
Tina Fey
FOX is developing a new reality dating series called Playing it Straight, in which a female contestant will date 14 bachelors, some of whom are gay, and some are straight. The show was originally called The Tina Fey College Experience. (Tina Fey)
Well, today in New York, after months of build up and anticipation, Star Jones made history and became the first person ever to get married. View quote
Tina Fey
On 30 Rock and Studio 60 and the Sunset Strip airing in the same year: "We'll probably end up doing a terrible crossover, where the Matthew Perry character on the drama rapes my character on the comedy-and then the ‘Law & Order' team solves the crime." View quote
Tina Fey
NBC announced this week that they will be producing a 3 hour TV movie based on the life of Rudolph Giuliani. To keep the movie real to life, the Giuliani character is really unlikeable until the last 15 minutes, when everyone loves him. View quote
Tina Fey
(Typical signoff) Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow. View quote
Tina Fey
Hoping to court ex-New Yorkers living in Florida, the Bush campaign is running radio ads there, featuring former New York mayors Rudy Giuliani and Ed Koch. The ads begin, "Hiiii. We're the reason you LEFT." View quote
Tina Fey
Sponge Bob Square Pants will begin airing in China in December so millions of factory workers can finally know what the hell they're making. But Chinese censors have ordered the name of the show be changed to "CleaningpadCharlie RectangleShorts" View quote
Tina Fey
Polaroid is warning customers not to listen to the part of the Outkast song Hey Ya! that tells people to "shake it like a Polaroid picture", because that could actually ruin the pictures. In a related story, Bacardi is warning shorties to be responsible and not "sip Bacardi like it's Dey birfday." View quote
Tina Fey
I'm not that good looking... nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen. View quote
Tina Fey
Despite explosive violence in the West Bank this week, negotiators remain hopeful that a U. S.-sponsored summit could end the conflict. Israeli and Palestinian officials say they are eager to sign an agreement so they can dip it in gasoline, light it on fire and throw it at each other. View quote
Tina Fey
New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is once again expressing outrage at an art exhibit, this time at a painting in which Jesus is depicted as a naked woman. Said the mayor, "This trash is not the sort of thing that I want to look at when I go to the museum with my mistress." (Tina Fey)
Despite the fact that Martha Stewart has disgraced herself too much to hold an official position at Omnimedia, the company may still use her name and images to sell their products. You know, sort of like Clinton and the Democrats. View quote
Tina Fey
A man who had a heart attack while he was alone in his house was saved when his dog brought him the phone so he could call for help. However, it should be noted that for every one of these heartwarming stories, there's a million others where the dog just sits there like a moron and watches you die. View quote
Tina Fey
"So, Alec Baldwin; great actor or greatest actor?" I'm gonna say "greatest actor"; Greatest... living... American... actor... in... the Baldwin family... by a mile. View quote
Tina Fey
On Matthew McConaughey: "He was always taking his shirt off, he's like "Yeah, here's my deal, I'm hot." We had a meeting one day at like 11 o'clock, right before the show and he walks into the meeting shirtless wearing this like old musty sarong... He doesn't smell great, no." View quote
Tina Fey